


Shellshocked

by ultimatehope



Category: Marvel
Genre: Autistic Peter Parker, Autistic Tony Stark, Avengers Family, Baby Peter Parker, Bucky is apart of the Stark family, Bucky struggling to socialize, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jewish Steve Rogers, Light Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romani Bucky Barnes, Service Dogs, Social Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23545750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimatehope/pseuds/ultimatehope
Summary: Bucky Barnes finds out his best friend and the love of his life is not only alive but married with a child. He struggles to come to terms with that fact and find a home with the Avengers. All they see is the monster he once was or so he thinks.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 11
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were a package deal.

Hell, they came as a pair ever since they met on the streets when they were hardly taller than the fire hydrant that acted like a water cooler in an office building -- the place all the children circled and socialized.

Their relationship grew as they did with awkward kisses, hand holding, and even the occasional movie date where Bucky would yawn and stretch his arm over his best friend. It escalated further when the Barnes’ family was able to afford a car that Bucky learned to drive in a matter of weeks. This opened an entire world up for the two young men.

Sure, all the girls fancied the boy with the car, but the boy with the car only fancied the boy ‘riding shotgun’ on every adventure.

Steve never knew when to quit -- maybe that was what attracted Bucky most! Throughout every injury and illness the poor boy seemed to contract, nothing got him down. He learned to draw through trembling hands, took on the meanest guys in town, and when the war came, he fought tooth and nail to be a part of it. It was anything he could do then even more when he decided that wasn’t enough.

And it wasn’t mere attraction, either. Bucky was pretty sure he loved him and could spend the rest of his life with him. Regardless of the implications or struggles, even if it meant never having children or being able to publicly express their love... not that Steve would ever settle for that injustice.

Soon enough, their awkward kisses turned into more with their bodies pressed together, hands roaming, and what Bucky called ‘their first time’ where he was sprawled out beneath Steve and panting. He didn't recall doing much besides swaying together for hours, but those hours were one of his favorite memories.

Steve was Bucky’s everything.  
Bucky was Steve’s everything.  
It was a fact. It was just how it was.  
It was how it was always going to be.

Or that's what Bucky thought...

Finding out Steve was alive was enough to shake him from decades of brainwashing, and he thought they could make up for all of his time with Hydra, but it wasn’t “Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers” any more.

It was Steve and Tony Stark. With their baby that was learning to toddle before talking.

Everything was different now. He lived in the Avengers’ Tower, trapped watching some rich guy kiss up on his best friend. Everyone watched him like a hawk as if he’d snap any day now, he could barely hold the baby without someone's gun pressed against his head. It wasn’t like that for Tony’s best friend, Rhodey.

Rhodey came in like he owned the place, kissing Tony on the lips before stealing a kiss from Steve too. No one stared or pointed weapons when he whisked Peter into the air and rocked from side-to-side with him. Instead, they laughed and reminded Bucky that he didn’t belong here.

Steve would argue on his behalf (of course he did). He would remind his family that Bucky was a part of it, but the Winter Soldier knew better. He stared at his metallic arm and flexed his fingers as he listened to the chaos behind him: Rhodey’s “You’re getting so big!!”s atop Steve’s echoes of “Do you wanna say ‘dada’? ‘Dada’, ‘wawa’, come on, Petey--” and Tony reminding them, “He’s gonna be helping me in the lab before he starts talking, bet me on it.”

As the day drug on, more Avengers filled the tower with noise while Bucky sat on the couch in silence. He listened to the supposed ‘god’, Thor; Tony’s other best friend, Bruce; a Russian woman named Natasha; an archer named Clint; he knew them all by now. And the easiest way to get their attention was about to present itself.

Half-toddling and half-crawling came baby Peter into the living room. He grabbed one of his Uncle Bucky’s boots and used it to stand up. He looked up at him with big, ol’ eyes and smacked his knee when he wasn’t immediately picked up.

Bucky swallowed back and leaned forward, groaning when his back cracked about four times. He reached down and wrapped his organic arm around the toddler before yanking him into his lap. It took less than three minutes before the Avengers brought their kitchen party into the living room.

It was only to watch him. He felt all of their eyes prying, and their readiness to pounce made his heart beat faster. He pinned his metallic hand to his side, as if it would betray him and injure the child if he didn't keep it under control. All he could hear was his heart over the child babbling.

Peter stared at his face, tugging at the long strands of hair that fell down on either side, and Bucky forced a smile. He didn’t mind the tugging and didn’t want anyone to think otherwise. He could feel them in his space, even if he couldn’t see them.

Then came the barking of Steve’s service dog, Captain, and Bucky snapped to attention. He had learned of “post-traumatic stress disorder”, something many soldiers had. That’s where Captain came in, to soothe Steve, to alert if Steve was having an episode -- the Labrador had to be his second best friend.

Her barks set him off. He held the child closer and stood from the couch suddenly, looking for Steve. He couldn’t find him, and all he saw was lights. Bright lights. Shadows approaching, the shadows of the Avengers, what did they think? He wasn’t going to hurt Peter. The child clung to him, starting to cry, were they upsetting him? He backed up, putting his metallic arm out as the barks echoed.

It wasn’t him who wanted to hurt Peter. It was them. All of them. They wanted to hurt Peter and him. They wanted to keep Bucky from getting to Steve. Steve needed him, that’s why Captain was barking, and he still couldn’t see him. It was all other people, a crowd-- he backed up several steps until he hit a wall, still holding his arm out. That’s when Captain came out of nowhere and sat in front of him, barking at the shadows until they disappeared.

Bucky hadn’t realized he was sitting on the ground with Peter in his lap until the last shadow was gone. Captain’s barks subsided. At least Steve was okay, he figured, while he panted with his arm still extended. The dog turned to face him and took a few steps. Unlike the rest of them, she wasn’t scared of his hand. She stepped forward, pushing her head into his touch.

He exhaled, having not realized he was holding his breath, and started petting her. She wagged her tail and licked Peter’s face until his crying stopped. Bucky pitched his head forward and into the lab’s, and everything was okay.

“Bucky? Is it okay if I get closer?” Rhodey’s face came into view with his eyebrows pushed together in concern, “Steve’s on his way down.”

Bucky brought his head up, “Steve? Is Steve okay?” He pet Captain and stared into Rhodey's eyes.

Rhodey put a hand on the ground and slowly dropped to his knees, pain shooting up his spine and causing a gasp to escape him, “Steve? Yeah, yeah, he’s fine, Bucky, why would you think he’s not?”

Bucky looked to Captain, “She…”

“Oh… no, I, I don’t think she was alerting for Steve. You were kinda freaking out a little on us? ‘Tasha came in and asked if you were hungry and you bolted up and started backing away from her,” Rhodey explained, reaching out to pet Captain as well, “I think we all have a bad habit of crowding when something’s wrong… so sorry about the mass confusion, everyone just couldn’t figure out if you were okay.”

Bucky found it hard to focus on exactly what Rhodey was saying and shook his head, “I’m not gonna hurt Peter. I wouldn’t do that, Steve’s my best friend, this is basically the whole world to me--” But Rhodey put a hand up and shushed him.

“You’re fine, we know you’re not hurting him … look at that little face!!” He laughed to which Peter giggled as well, “He just gets a little scared when Captain barks, it’s not your fault …”

Steve was down the stairs, nearly flying into the living room, “Bucky, are you okay?” He dropped to his knees beside Rhodey with no hesitation, reaching out to grab the man’s face, “What happened?”

Bucky stared into the love of his life’s blue eyes with his mouth agape, “I’m okay, Steve. I… I don’t know what happened, but I’m okay.” He looked between Steve and Rhodey, nodding, “Can you take Peter from me?” He held him out for whoever wanted to grab him and slowly stood up when he was in Rhodey’s arms.

Steve stood next with Rhodey looking up to them, “Can I get a little help?” A laugh erupted from the blonde as he helped the man stand up.

The three headed towards the kitchen where the rest of the Avengers were camping out, but they made the same fatal mistake when they saw Bucky and all tried walking towards them with “How are you?”s and “What happened?”s. Rhodey was the first to jump to Bucky’s defense, “Come on guys, you didn’t learn the first time? Back up, back the fuck up--”

Peter squawked in his arms, waving quite aggressively at his uncles and aunts.

“Are you all still harassing him?” Tony asked as he swung into the kitchen, “Hey, Buck! I know your birthday isn’t for a few days, and we were gonna keep this as a surprise, but after that little episode--” He whistled and from behind him emerged Sam with a black leash wrapped around his arm.

Trotting along came a decent-sized dog. Bucky recognized it was some kind of shepherd and tilted his head, mouth hanging open with no words. He looked to Steve, but Steve said nothing. Instead, Banner spoke, “His name’s Sergeant.”

“He’s a service dog, just like Captain, you’ve been through a lot,” Rhodey added, “Plus, you spend more time with Captain than any of us, we figured you could use a friend, might help, huh?” He reached out to pat Bucky’s shoulder.

Steve spoke when Bucky didn’t, “I know how much you love dogs, Buck, and everyone thought it’d be a good idea. We want to help you adjust a little better…” He wrapped an arm around his friend.

Natasha added, “Happy early birthday.”

And all Bucky could manage was a slow, “Thank you… thank you all.” He looked at everyone’s faces, not finding the same paranoia and malice he had felt before. And through the kitchen, he walked and knelt down in front of the dog. His dog. This was all for him. He put a hand on either side of the canine’s face and started moving his fingers through thick fur.

The Avengers shared smiles and continued on as if Bucky’s episode never happened. They laughed and shared drinks while also getting the food out. For once, Bucky didn’t retreat to the couch. Instead, he sat at one of the counters while holding Sergeant’s leash as if his life depended on it. He watched everyone socialize instead of just listening to it from afar, and still, he didn’t feel too chatty, but that didn’t stop everyone from trying to talk to him.

“Here, can you watch Petey?” came Pietro’s thick accent as he placed the child on the counter and dashed across the room, “Okay, okay, let me show you exactly what happened--”

Wanda laughed and propped up across from Bucky, “He’s kinda obnoxious, isn’t he?” but she was quick to leave too, and it was now that Bucky realized one thing …

No one was actually watching him. No one was hovering or paying attention to him while Peter was here with him. He raised an eyebrow, more confused than anything, and he pulled Peter into his lap with both hands so he didn’t accidentally crawl off the counter.

No eyes were on him. Why weren’t they more worried?

Tony came over with a finger pointed in his direction, and that felt more normal. Bucky waited to be told to give Peter up and to back off of Steve. Why wouldn’t the husband of the man he loved start an argument right here and now?

“Don’t worry, your cake is on its way. I had them rush it since we’ll do our little celebration tonight. Steve said it wasn’t a big deal, but hey, that was your ‘big present’, if you’re aching for cake at the end of the week, I’ll get you another one,” He laughed and reached out to boop Peter on the nose before spinning off, not even waiting for Bucky to reply.

Banner and Thor rushed over to him suddenly, and he knew this is when Peter would be snatched away from him … for sure? Thor tried talking first but Banner shushed him, “Listen, Bucky, Thor is gonna start singing to you and please, please explain to him that not everyone likes being sung ‘happy birthday’ to. It gets awkward, tell him you don’t want all of us overlapping and talking to you at once?”

Thor put one of his giant hands over the mouth of the little scientist, “Tell Banner that you want beer and song and cheer!! Who wouldn’t want that for their birthday?”

Bucky gawked at the pair, amazed to hear that they had an ‘Asgardian’ wedding planned later this year… whatever that meant… maybe he should ask… but first, “I don’t need to be sang to and I don’t drink… anymore...”

It was slowly that Bucky was realizing that all the things he knew about these people had been from eavesdropping. He didn’t often… talk to them or interact at all, but they were all so willing to interact with him. A pang of guilt hit his heart, and he stopped Thor before the two could leave the counter, “Hey, are you two engaged?”

Thor swung around with a bright flash in his eyes, as if he couldn’t wait to talk about it, “Of course!! Our wedding is this winter on Asgard, you’re coming aren’t you?! Have you ever been off-world?”

Bucky shook his head, “Why do you like him? You two…”

“Are polar opposites?” Clint filled in the worlds for Bucky, “Yeah, I didn’t believe it at first … but have you met the Hulk? That big green beast knocks all the energy out of Thor so Bruce is left with a half-way decent man.” He laughed.

Thor knocked shoulders with the scrawnier man, “I love Bruce for who he is. Hulk and I are just friends. Very rambunctious friends who can’t seem to get out of each other’s way, but just friends.”

Clint snorted, “Could’ve fooled me. I feel like you’re double-dipping.”

Steve forced his way right into the conversation, “There is nothing wrong, Thor, with dating two people as long as both are aware. They have a word for that, you know? Polyamorous, aren’t most gods polyamorous?” He narrowed his eyes and Thor squinted.

“Polyamorous… like, taking on multiple wives? My mother would have killed my father if he ‘double-dipped’.” Thor explained.

“Bucky, you wouldn’t believe all the things they have words for nowadays… there’s more than two genders, did you know that?” He explained with excitement, “Oh--” Steve leaned in, “Also, don’t use the ‘g’ word any more, they call you guys ‘Romani’ now.”

Wanda seemed to hear ‘Romani’ above everything else and corrected Steve, “Bucky can call himself whatever he wants, it’s you who can’t call us the ‘g’ word any more.” She reached up to poke Steve’s jaw, “But Bucky, I would love to talk to you about that at some point, Pietro and I were kidnapped by Hydra--” She boldly declared, “And our father is a mutant overlord so Steve helps us with the Jewish part of our heritage and we’d love to talk to fellow Romani.”

Bucky smirked, “You… you really remind me of my mom, she had loose lips too. Everything to her ‘built character’ and she’d tell everyone anything--” He laughed, but quickly corrected his words when he realized how little sense they made, “I mean, just with you coming over and being like ‘We were kidnapped by Hydra’ and…” He trailed off with a smile across his face.

Wanda snickered, “I like the sound of that. I’ll tell you all about it too. Our father has an island of mutants.” Her attention was pulled away by Pietro hollering something in German. Bucky recognized it but he spoke too quickly for him to process what was said.

“It’s great to see you smile, Buck… it’s… it’s been a rough road for us, but these are great people. They’re our family, and you’re gonna love ‘em as much as I do, I promise.” Steve leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Bucky’s lips before scooping Peter up and blowing raspberries on the toddler’s tummy.

Rhodey came over to sit across from Bucky, “Geez, I can’t even tell you how bad the back pain is today… fuck. Sam is calling me an old man over there, but I needed to sit down.” He shook his head.

Bucky turned his head but after hearing Steve try to encourage words from his son, he asked, “Why doesn’t Peter talk yet?” He raised an eyebrow, “I always hear you two and Tony talk about it…” He pursed his lips.

Rhodey tilted his head, “Oh, he’s just autistic. Or, we’re pretty sure, I should say… Tony’s dad never wanted to admit it but we were all pretty sure Tony is autistic… oh, you know Pepper, right? Her, Tony, and I grew up together. Kinda… we weren’t the best of friends when we were younger but Tony is an acquired taste, ain’t he?”

Steve added, “Autism is kinda a new thing for the two of us.” He explained to Rhodey, “Back in the day, they equated it to schizophrenia, and I think I remember hearing ‘autism’ go around right before we got frozen, but a lot of people thought it was made-up…” He shrugged.

“Does that mean something’s wrong with Petey?” Bucky tilted his head and reached out to wiggle a finger for the baby.

“Oh, god, no,” Rhodey shot out, “I get you two aren’t familiar with it, but it’s considered a developmental disorder or, like, a learning disability. It means little Petey might have trouble socializing and learning how to communicate with others, which is why we don’t think he talks yet.”

Steve nodded and finally sat down with the other two, “And I know what you’re thinking, Bucky… because I asked the same thing! I was like ‘But Tony’s so social!’ but tell him like you did me, Rhodey…”

Rhodey laughed, “It’s complicated, it’s not cut and paste and not every autistic person is the same… it’s a spectrum, and you two knew Tony’s dad, Howard, he wanted Tony to be ‘normal’--” He did air quotes with his fingers, “So, Tony was forced to learn to cope and hide a lot of his quirks, but everyone loves it because one of his fixations is all the tech.”

“Yeah, people will call him ‘high functioning’ because he can cope well in society, but--” Before Steve could finish, Rhodey interjected.

“Functioning labels are bull, let me tell you, and I’m really passionate about this, ‘cause it’s all about how well you fool people without autism into believing you don’t have it and what you can contribute to them or if you’re rich. Rich people, back in the day, didn’t get called ‘autistic’ ‘cause that was a poor person’s ‘disease’,” The disdain was clear in his voice.

“If that ain’t one thing that’s always been the same…” Steve shook his head, “Oh, Bucky, we’ll have to sit down and talk all about it ‘cause don’t get me wrong, people are getting better with certain things, helping others… but--”

“But it’s what year and people still think gay people shouldn’t be allowed to get married--” Rhodey pointed in Bucky’s direction, “People still think women belong in the kitchen.”

Steve shook his head, “Oh, I can’t wait to tell you all about Peggy fighting for women’s rights. She’s in some of the history books for it.” He reached out to squeeze Bucky’s hands.

Bucky didn’t really know what to say. It was all a lot to take in, and all he could do was shrug, “I guess I thought after all these years, people would stop caring about things that didn’t hurt others… like, women doing their thing or people kissing other people, I don’t know… really, Steve was always better at verbalizing social issues… I kinda just let him talk and rally behind him--” He stuck his tongue out between his teeth.

Rhodey laughed, “You sound so much like Tony. Pepper and I do the arguing and Tony rallies behind us.” He snickered, “Steve’s told me so much about Peggy, and I gotta say, I’m sorry for your loss, guys… you know, we talk about it a lot, but being displaced by time like that? My heart is in it with you two.”

Sam, who had caught the ass-end of the conversation, wrapped an arm around Steve and Rhodey, “Hey, old men… listen, I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times from all of us, but if you need anything? We’re here for you. I know we went back and forth a bit, Buck, but yeah.”

“Yeah, Buck, we’re here for you, we all are, just like we were with Steve…” Rhodey held Sam’s hand and nodded with a smile.

“Maybe at some point the two of us or all of us could take Peter to the park, just get some fresh air? Even go to the bunker up north? Being cooped up in the tower isn’t good for anyone,” Sam shook his head.

Steve pawned Peter off on Sam and nodded, “Sounds like fun!” He stood from his seat and swung around the table to kiss Bucky on the cheek, “Oh, did I mention we have dibs on James for the next baby?”

Bucky’s eyes were flicking to whoever was talking but got stuck on Steve, “Another baby? You and Tony?”

“Maybe,” insisted Steve, “Tony said he wouldn’t mind and said if we did have another one, James is a contender for a name.” He wrapped his arm around Bucky and squeezed.

Bucky didn’t know whether to smile or not. He looked down at his plate that he had been picking at for the better part of an hour.

“Oh, I don’t think we mentioned it ‘cause everyone is always calling me Rhodey… My name is James too, Bucky. Tony, Steve, and I had a hoot about that.”

Bucky grinned, “That is quite the coincidence…” He inhaled and stood up from his seat, “I’ll be right back.” He made a call for Sergeant to get up and returned to his spot on the couch where he thought of everything he had just heard.

It was all… way too much.

He leaned back into the cushion and exhaled heavily with his new dog jumping onto the couch beside him and laying down. He put a hand on his head and closed his eyes.

“Hold up, Buck, Petey looks like he’s getting ready to lay down,” Sam jogged into the living room, causing Bucky’s eyes to fly open, “Can you just keep him in here so we don’t keep jostling him awake?”

“Oh… yeah, of course,” He reached up to take the child before resting back into his spot. All the information he had taken in might as well have just gone out the other ear. He tried to process all the talk about dating and autism and his friend having another child, but…

He exhaled and held Peter close, taking this moment for himself.

It wasn’t Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers any more, but maybe it didn’t need to be…


	2. Chapter 2

It was one wire after another with his teeth gnawing into metal plating. His eyes were squeezed shut with tears staining his cheeks. Time was beginning to escape him as he failed to remember the last time he cried. It felt like so long ago and even longer as his body was engulfed by flames. He felt his heart trying to escape his rib cage as his body temperature rose. It was a fight to not pass out from pain, but even with trembling hands, Bucky Barnes persisted. 

That had to be worth something, right?

Bucky Barnes survived. All he ever did was live another day. And each day he survived led him to this moment right now. In the Avengers Tower, he was given a bedroom. He didn’t have anything to put in it, but his best friend gave him a bed, a desk, a few photos, and plenty of drawings to pin up on the wall. It painfully lacked the personality he once had and felt like a reflection of Steve Rogers, rather than a room that belonged to Bucky Barnes. 

Every time the metal of his arm brought him face-to-face with his own reflection, he became painfully aware of how it didn’t belong to him. His arm might as well have been the enemy. It wasn’t his own. He was reluctant to ever call this his limb, even after Steve’s husband took to tweaking it, making it more comfortable, more efficient…

He looked at it as if it would turn against him any day now. What if it hurt Peter? What if it hurt Steve? What if it hurt any of the Avengers that were trying their damnedest to make him feel as if he had a place on their team?

Forgiving himself wouldn’t be an option, but killing himself wasn’t either. He couldn’t leave Steve to mourn him and carry on telling his tale as if he was some sort of hero. No, he had to prove that everything Steve said about him wasn’t lies. He had to live…

But all he managed to do was survive. 

Bucky couldn’t see beyond that. All he could manage was the bare minimum, and he didn’t know how he would ever live up to the Avengers’ expectations. Redemption was a lie. He would never change or do anything worth living another day. 

Everyone wanted him to be something he couldn’t be. 

Steve wanted him to be his best friend like he always was. He wanted him to be an uncle to his child and an integral part of his family. Tony wanted him to be in his family’s life. He wanted him to be an Avenger and stand beside Steve as a symbol of good. 

Rhodey was to Tony as Bucky was to Steve, or that’s how he kept describing it. It seemed he wanted Bucky to be a member of their family, just as Steve and Tony did.

Thor wanted a friend or someone to wrestle with that could handle his brute strength. T’Challa was also a fan of a wrestling session or even a quiet conversation. Sam was always looking to butt heads.

Bruce and Natasha wanted someone to sit in silence with, someone who understood true anger, lack of control, and being seen as a monster. They wanted someone who understood and overcame.

Pietro and Wanda, he came to realize, were just children! He couldn’t see them as anything but children looking for the familial love they never received. They were traumatized; he could see it every time Pietro forced his way into his and Wanda’s conversations about heritage, trying to push Bucky away before he had a chance to get close and hurt them both. 

But he wasn’t an uncle or a friend. Definitely not a hero and hardly a source of familial love. The kids always had Clint, and Steve always had Tony, and the Avengers had each other. 

As consciousness slipped away from him, all he could hear was Sergeant’s barks…


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky reached out for Steve, hanging on for dear life. Their fingers almost touched. If he could just get a little closer. Their eyes met as his fingers dusted his palm again. His heart pounded in his chest, and he lurched forward, throwing his hand into Steve’s. A sharp squawk of relief was given when he felt the warm surround his hand but when Steve leaned and pulled his hand…

It was gone. His hand disappeared, and he lost his footing, falling backwards. Pain stung through his shoulder before spreading through the rest of his body, blood matting his side as he fell into the darkness.

“Steve!” He cried out for his friend.

But he kept falling forever.

\---

“Honey, darling, dear,” Tony threw his goggles atop waves of black hair and made eye contact with the love of his life before laying on, “I need you out of my face. I need to stop feeling your breath on my neck while I work.”

Steve’s eyes went wide with his lips twitching in a pout. Deep down, he knew it must have been hard to work with his chest pressed up against his back, but hearing it was different…

“I know you’re worried, but why don’t you go give Bruce a break from Petey for a bit? I promise nothing fun’s gonna happen while you’re gone.” He brought his goggles back down and turned to his workstation, bringing up his welding torch. 

Steve sighed but didn’t object. He ran his hand across Tony’s back before creeping towards the entrance of the lab. His eyes never left Tony’s work, and the man could feel it so he added, “I love you, Steve! Goodbye!” 

“I love you, Tony…” Steve finally left the lab and took the stairs to the Tower’s living area. As he pushed through the door, he was greeted by Peter’s bouncer rolling into his shin. Twice. He laughed and leaned down to give the bouncer a twirl across the floor, causing a flood of baby laughter to fill the air. 

Bruce woke with a start and pulled himself off the couch as if he had been fully conscious this whole time. “Hey, Steve, get kicked out?” He yawned and pulled his glasses from his face, using his shirt to wipe the lenses clean.

Steve snorted, “That would be right, wouldn’t it?” He lifted Peter from his jumper and held him against his chest, “Should I assume we don’t have any updates?” 

“Bucky’s stable, Steve. Not awake yet. Believe me, I think you’d be the first to know--” Bruce took a long look at Steve’s face before eyeing his shoulder. He raised a hand, reaching out to let it hover by his arm. 

Their eyes met. It was rare on Bruce’s part, but eye contact was something Steve never failed at. His hand never touched the other man. Instead, it dropped to stroke the baby’s face as he squirmed to be freed. 

Steve smiled, “Why don’t you go on ahead? Thank you for looking after Petey.” 

\---

One rule: “Do not check on Bucky”. 

Tony thought it was a simple rule that would alleviate some heartache for his husband who had already been the one to storm into Bucky’s room. He thought to his own best friend, his James, and how much it hurt to see him in the hospital. The hours he lost waiting with him were only slightly higher than the hours he spent trying to drink away his guilt.

It was as simple as “He’s stable, they’ll let you know if that changes, find something to keep you occupied.” 

Anybody should have known that Steve would never listen. 

“Was that yummy, baby? Was that a good lunch?” He cooed, swinging from right to left as he patted Peter’s back, “Why don’t we go check on your uncle Bucky, huh? I bet he oughta be awake by now, and I know he’ll love to see you.” 

He shifted Peter onto one of his hips and headed to the medical floor in the tower, heading right into Bucky’s room like a man whose husband hadn’t told him not to. 

Sergeant was alert from the moment someone walked in. His tail wagged in a lowered position. He still had a lot of training to do with Bucky, but Steve had been working with him for a while now and knew exactly what he wanted…

He leaned down and scratched behind his ears. Peter patted his head when he was close enough, making the same sounds he would at other dogs. If his first word wasn’t “dog” or some variation of “Captain”, Steve would be surprised. 

When his gaze raised to the hospital-style bed, he found it hard to look directly at his friend’s face. Instead, his eyes lingered on censors, tubes, the screens, and the bloodied bandage that covered the shoulder where he tore off his own…

Steve stood straight up, tucking Peter’s head into his chest. He stepped closer and murmured, “Bucky, what did you do?” He exhaled and still couldn’t raise his eyes high enough to look at James’ face. Eventually, his eyes lingered on the injured shoulder. He swallowed the saliva collecting in his mouth, beginning to shake his head from side-to-side as he got closer, “Why?” 

He pushed his fingers through Bucky’s hair. Each tangle was carefully undone. The vital sign monitor seemed to drown out other sounds as Steve’s own heart seemed to beat faster. He swallowed the saliva collecting in his mouth, blinking harshly as he stared at the bloodied bandages.

This moment seemed to last forever. It wasn’t something that suited a baby’s attention span. 

Peter squirmed against his father. When not freed to play with the puppy or see his uncle, crying was the next, natural response. It started with whimpers and sniffles but ended with hiccups and whining. 

He wasn’t a loud baby. Not by any means. 

“Hey, hey, Petey, you’re okay,” cooed Steve. His attention was reluctantly brought away from Bucky when he realized that his child had gone from impatient squirming to crying, “I’m sorry, baby, it looks like Uncle Bucky’s still resting.” 

He tried to soothe Peter, and the fit eventually lasted long enough that he pulled a chair over. Not once did he consider leaving Bucky’s side to set the baby down for a nap upstairs. Instead, he lulled his son to sleep to the sound of the monitors.

“You’re going to be okay…”


End file.
